


Thanks, Buff Armin

by pengiesama



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2014-11-24
Packaged: 2018-02-26 19:56:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2664437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pengiesama/pseuds/pengiesama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buff Armin saves the day and also the world. Everyone is very impressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thanks, Buff Armin

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, Buff Armin.

Buff Armin yawned and flexed as he awoke to a beautiful crisp midsummer’s day. He punched the window open to let in a breeze, and flexed at the birds singing outside in cheerful greeting.

"Oh, Buff Armin!" the birds sang, flexing their wings back at him. "Your biceps glisten especially splendidly this morn!"

Buff Armin’s long golden Fabio hair rippled of its own accord, independent entirely of the fascist breeze. He regarded his biceps briefly, and shrugged.

"BUFF ARMIN WHAT’S YOUR SECRET," shrieked the magpie.

Buff Armin rubbed at his manly chin, glowing this early morning with a fine layer of golden stubble. 

"Every time I read a word in a book I do ten reps. And I read three thousand words per minute." Buff Armin crooked a finger, and the birds all fluttered inside in a chirping, shrieking swarm to perch upon him. "Now, tell me, my students. How many reps per minute is that?"

"TWO BILLION! WE LOVE YOU BUFF ARMIN!" screamed the birds in unison.

Buff Armin smiled a magnanimous smile at his stupid, stupid bird students. It was very hard being the buffest and also the smartest in the whole world. The sheets on his bed rustled, and Eren’s and Jean’s rumpled heads appeared from beneath the blankets. They took one look at Buff Armin, glistening in the early morning sunlight streaming through the windows, hair still rebelling against the wind, and swooned into unconsciousness.

Buff Armin tenderly gave them both mouth to mouth with his buff lungs and also his tongue. Eren and Jean sighed dreamily and each clung to one bulging buff arm. 

"Oh Buff Armin," Eren giggled. "What are we going to do today?"

"Oh Buff Armin," Jean giggled. "Are we going to punch our way through the ozone layer and go through space and then come down like flaming rockets through the atmosphere and land on the government’s houses again?"

"Fuck the Man," agreed Buff Armin. "But no. Today, I think we shall relax with our pals."

Buff Armin thought fondly of his comrades-in-arms. They were not as buff, physically or mentally, as Buff Armin, but Buff Armin’s buff heart cared for them deeply. Buff Armin lifted Eren and Jean with him as he rose to his feet, so they could rest daintily upon his buff shoulders.

He burst through the wall of the barracks and into the bright and beautiful morning. Buff Krista waved to him as she crushed whole kegs of beer between her thighs for her morning warmup routine. Ymir lay on the ground nearby, utterly paralyzed with lust.

Mikasa leapt down from the barracks roof, and greeted Buff Armin with a high-six. It was like a high-five but instead of slapping hands you slapped your six packs together. Mikasa casually did a few quick squats with her trusty barbell, and asked Buff Armin how he slept.

"Buff Armin, how did you sleep?" asked Mikasa.

Eren and Jean swooned off his shoulders at the memory of the night before, and hit the ground hard enough to knock themselves out again. Buff Armin let his dear ones rest there. They had had a hard night indeed. Buff Armin and Mikasa did another high-six, and settled in for a peaceful morning of reps.

But suddenly, the titans attacked!

"Buff Armin, save us!" cried Reiner, who Buff Armin had saved alongside Bertl and Annie by exorcising the titans from them with an ancient flexing ritual. 

Buff Armin did not need to be told twice. No one interrupted his morning exercise routine. He cracked his knuckles, and readied his fists to split Mother Earth’s crust in two. The titans fell into the earth’s core, and Armin sewed the crack up with a simple invisible stitch and a roll of twine.

Everyone cheered for Buff Armin, who had saved the day once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, Buff Armin.


End file.
